The Stuggle

I had a bit of a rough early evening, just for short bit, but no matter for how long it lasted, it made me think. Once again I'm thinking....which can always get me into a bit of trouble. My mom & I were on our way to the mall (to get me out and about) and were talking about my current situation and status - which we seem to butt heads on. I know that she is only looking out for my best interest, but it makes us see things differently. Niether one of us are wrong, it is just different. I took a drive and called Sarah - she is my voice of reason, always screwing my head back on straight. She did and I went back home and my mom and I had a real heart to heart. I love my mom, she is the BEST!

Then I realized that even though I am waiting on him, I realize if I am ever going to be open to where God is leading me and if it is (as its current status: waiting) then I must learn to let go. Sounds like I am contractdicting myself, right? Yet, I have found it to be the total opposite. If what I fear does come, his (what seems to be inevitable) move for school, that leaves me alone. No matter what, something I have to deal with. The truth is, whether we are meant to be together or not isn't the point, not at all, because truth be told, I am more scared about losing a friend to this than anything else in the world. I can't even begin to tell you where he ranks in my life and what he means to me. Such an extreme loss for words. You see to me there are worse things than moving on, losing out. Like I mentioned it my quote yesterday (see the post Getting Strong & Pressing Forward), I am not going to say I didn't try. I am not going to regret and question what could have been had I just tried. I am going to be statisfied in knowing that I gave it my all, and I followed where God led me.

Like I mentioned earlier, that the inevitable is coming. I knew it may happen and to be honest I don't even know if it is going to happen. Anyways, I am rambling and being very vague. Sorry. Truth is, I have always wanted for his dreams to come true, and I know that God is amazing things instore for him - beyond what he can even imagine for himself. This is his dream, it has been. As long as it is God's will, then I'm up for it. That is my prayer, that God's will shall previal in this situation and that he would realize no matter the outcome that God's plan is best, even if it is differnt from our own. I know that everyone has either thought it to be impossible or at least thought it - I know I have from time to time. But who am I to question where God is leading him? Who am I to question is calling. I am no one! I am a mere sinner. Lord, forgive me for doubting. Lord, forgive me for selling you short of your power. With God, nothing is impossible.

That is an idea that I have come all to farmilar with, but there is truth behind that. Sometimes, we grow the most when we work the hardest for something. We are more thankful, when we worked for it ourself. There is a less chance of taking it for granted when it is our own. Maybe, I have been wrong. We will have to see. Until then I am praying for God to make the move easy for us both, because the truth is he is moving on to a much larger place and much further away than I am. I just have to deal.

"It is kind of fun to do the impossible" - Walt Disney