Kickball

I decided to go to LIFT last night - for various reasons, none probably were for the "right" reason. That doesn't matter though, because God really spoke to me and now I know that I really should be going - it is something I need. The lesson was as though it was meant for me, God knew exactly what I needed, even though I may not have come for all the right reasons. The worship was excellent - just me & God - right there, I was in awe of His wonderous mercy and awesome grace and the overwhealming love my Savior has for me.

The it was time for the lesson (it wasn't a sermon) more of a group discussion over what God's word had to say to us that evening. We watched a Rob Bell video (11 min. video - the length of the video doesn't matter it was the message that it brought) titled "Kickball" (you can watch a clip of the video at www.nooma.com). Rob Bell told a story of his son and this cheap toy he wanted and all Rob Bell was trying to convey to his 3 year old son that this toy isn't going to be fun for him and that if he would just trust, he and his wife were going to take him to the store across the street to get a kickball. You see the father knew what was ahead for his son, he knew that across the street was a HUGE wall of kickballs for him to choose which ever his heart desires. Sometimes we - I - feel like God is holding out on me, that when I am staring and crying out saying "why won't you give this to me" God is begging and pleading saying "I know what is best for you, don't you see that isn't what is best for you, just wait (and across the street) and give it sometime and I have something better for you." Wow. How amazing and how powerful. God just spoke to me. "Jennifer, I know what is best. Trust ME!"
And then today. Every Tuesday is staff devotionals, where we read a devotion from Experiencing God: Day by Day and pray over the prayer request from the church. And today message once again JUST FOR ME. It was about the story of Job, about suffering and the valleys. The I watched another Rob Bell video called "Rain" another thing God use to speak to me. It was also about storms and trusting God.
Get the overall picture? I know I am doing what is right, at this very moment. Yeah, it has been hard, and depending on that "one thing" it may get a WHOLE lot harder. Like the video said "Crying out to God admits that I don't have it all together." Isn't that the truth? I am far from having it all together - nothing could be closer to the truth.
Truth be told, compared to others (and even those who have gone through similar situations that I am going through now) my "suffering" isn't really "suffering" but I am still scared. I still fear what the road ahead holds, but that is why I am trusting in God. Because He does know. Thank goodness for that!
So maybe I'm not going out of my mind. Maybe, after I have been saying that - that waiting is what God really wants me to do. I trust Him.

"Suffering is our most intimate time with God. He holds us close."