Getting Strong & Pressing Forward

For those of you who don't know, I was hospitilized last week and had galbladder surgery on Saturday. Hopefully that will take care of the awful symptoms and how I have been feeling lately, but as of right now - it hasn't. I HATE not being a CCC and not being at work and not being around all the wonderful people that I adore and love. It has been rather depressing. Especially when all I could do last week (between Wednesday to Sunday) is get out of bed to pee (with an IV attached to me) or to get more test run (some of which lasted 2 HOURS!). It has been rather depressing to be honest - very depressing - being in a drab hospital room can do that to a spunky girl like me.
Well for those of you who know me, know that this spunky girl when she gets down she gets down and when I get down I start to think, but not good thinking but thinking in a way that I am "over thinking" and over anlayzing. A long introduction into what I am trying to say. All I could do was watch TV or think (I didn't have the energy to read and concentrate on anything), so my mind began to wander with the mix of the influence of media and movie. So after watching A Walk to Remember (a great movie), I started thinking about love and relationships and the future - what else is a girl going to think about after watching that movie. And I began to doubt and second guess myself and just about to call it quits on my "promise" - I am such a moron! Here I am in a hospital bed, on drugs, lack of sleep, sick, after watching a sappy movie and here I am trying to make some major decision!
When I got home on Sunday, I of course rested. Monday, I slept in and did what else but watch TV and get on the computer - still a bit too drugged up on concentrate on my new book or Captivating (side note: Debi Mahr is the BEST! Thank you so much for being comitted to the book club!). When I got onto AIM I put up one of my away messages and then I read it.

It reads:

I have been inspired.

Because I know the future holds something amazing.

Each day I am a bit stronger.

I know no matter where he goes, that I am going to stand by his side.

That was my promise to him.

Our promise to each other.

All of my heart is on one half of a dollar bill.

Another one reads:

With each day we get a little closer.

With each day my smile is a little bigger.

With each day the trust between us grows stronger.

With each day....

We may not know what tomorrow holds, but God does.

I may not knw where he will be a year from now, but God does.

You knowing that with each day gives me peace.

I will never leave his side.
"Love is patient" 1 Corinthians 13:4

Another:

No matter what he decides, I will stand by his side.

No matter where he goes, my heart will follow.

Above all else, I am his best friend.

That is when God reminded me, "Jennifer, I have told you to be strong, I am your strength. I have told you that there is hope for the future, though you may not know it, I do, just press forward. Stay true to your word, until the time comes whether it is time for the next best thing or exactly why you are holding on. What the future holds is something amazing, continue trusting in me.

A good friend of mine came over today, Michelle, we began talking about life and what is going on with ours. And I began talking of this particular situation, my fears and once again I heard God confirming exactly what I already knew. "Stay strong and press forward." You see, there is nothing that should be changing right now.

My ending quote for this post is long, but it is exaclty why I believe in the promise, because just like she ends with "knowing is better than wondering". I want to know that I did exactly what I felt in my heart was right, than walking away wondering should I have held on a little bit longer. Because it the foundation of my promise was laid on knowing and trustin in God and the peace is He gives me. And the peace of waiting outways the peace of walking away.

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the heck out of never trying." - Meredith Grey: Grey's Anatomy

(ps. if you don't ever watch Grey's Anatomy - you should for the shear enjoyment of hearing the narration of Meredith Grey, sometimes I hear myself saying to the TV "THAT IS SO TRUE". Pluse this show is pretty darn good too!)